Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
