so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
she looked like the before picture.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
