you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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