The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
