Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
