I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
