Are we in a gay sports bar?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
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