Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Randomize
