im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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