I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
