so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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