What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
