after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
