I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
