she was so not down for the gang bang
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
