I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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