I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
