you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
