You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
