When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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