I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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