Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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