Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
