Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
