i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
