there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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