Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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