dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
