I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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