are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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