It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
