love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
