We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
