Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
