Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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