Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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