Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
