:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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