He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This beer is not sobering me up at all
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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