if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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