I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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