Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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