bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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