I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
