i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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