We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
