You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Dear god my vagina.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
