This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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