2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
