I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
