I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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