My room smells like vodka and shame
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
