so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
